Thursday, May 31
Wednesday, May 16
Monday, April 30
Mel Mangles, purveyor of jello shots, mingled with the crowd. Raffle girls wandered through the masses. Inebriated guests started piling into the free photo booth to document their... shall we say... revelry? Everyone looks fantastic and good times were had by all. Untamed Shrew had the crowd eating out of her hand with a rousing rendition of Sweet Child of Mine, and many brave souls took the stage to sing their hearts out with a live band behind them. A sweet snowboard was raffled off along with other awesome prizes. When I left just after midnight the crowd had thinned but the party was still rockin'. As promised, I dutifully took video recordings whenever possible, and will be posting said footage on this very blog just as soon as I figure out how to do so! Look forward to skater interviews, footage from the party bus and Ground Kontrol, and even Shrew rocking the mic! It was an epic night of rock and roll with your favorite ladies in black. If you missed it, you missed out!!
Tuesday, April 17
This just in, rockers! You may have heard stories of legendary Guns N Rollers parties, but now you can be a part of the mischief! This Friday GNR is throwing their annual fundraising blowout and you do NOT want to miss it! Reserve your seat on the exclusive party bus and GO ON TOUR WITH GNR!!! Yes, this is for real. Or if party buses aren't really your bag, meet GNR at Blitz-Ladd at 9pm for special drinks, games, and live karaoke. Either way, it's gonna be mental. Come join your favorite ladies in black (and yours truly, who will be trying valiantly to record a video blog while drinking) for the party of the year!!! See below for details.
Rock on!!! \m/ \m/
Get exclusive access to GNR’s giant party tour bus, only 10 people get to go!
On Friday night, April 20th, at 6:30pm.
- Enjoy free beer while you meet and party with GNR skaters!
- Stop in Sellwood and be the first to try free samples of Nectar’s brand new GNR flavor frozen yogurt!
- Challenge a GNR skater to a duel downtown at Ground Kontrol classic arcade, your game is on us!
- Roll up to the public party at Blitz-Ladd with GNR in style!
All this for a $40 contribution to Guns and Rollers. Keep GNR flush in Aqua Net and animal print (ok, really in uniforms and equipment) for one more year.
GNR’s exclusive pre-party tour bus leaves Blitz-Ladd at 6:30pm on Friday, April 20th. The public party gets rolling at 9:00pm and we'll rock into the early morning. The Karaoke Kings, a live karaoke band, will start playing at 9pm, so bring your rock anthem voices. Blitz-Ladd has free shuffleboard, ping pong, and darts. GNR will host a free photo booth, raffles (including a snowboard!) and special GNR drinks.
Only 10 people will get to join our pre-party tour bus of awesome, that’s right, we’re only selling 10 tickets!! So get yours now, we can’t wait to go on tour with you!
Wednesday, April 11
First, a brief recap. The bout began with a fierce showing of defense by both teams. Solid walls, great blocking, just some really killer derby. My eyes were as big as vinyl records as I stared in awe of GNR. They looked so damn good. The Betties drew first blood when SoulFearic ACID finally broke through the pack and put 4pts on the board. GNR's awesome defense held strong for the next 5 jams, which gave Scald Eagle a chance to rocket GNR ahead with a 20pt jam. Supa Sixpack put up 4pts to Acid's 3pts, and Squid Vicious added to GNR's lead with a 9pt jam. Fans were going nuts. The whole crowd was going nuts. We were witnessing such legendary derby. And then the penalties started. GNR proceeded to play all but 5 jams of the rest of the bout without a full contingent of blockers. The Betties started racking up points, and GNR was powerless to staunch the flow. Dekonstructor jammed back-to-back for a total of 24pts to tie the score in the 7th/8th jams, and the Betties never looked back. The first half ended with GNR down 41-90. Long scoreless streaks for GNR, coupled with continuing penalty trouble and consistent jamming by Acid, DK, and Joyride, sounded the death knell for any hopes of a GNR comeback. A 25pt jam by Acid put the point spread into triple digits, and the crowd started calling for the Betties to quit being douchebags and start playing their rookies (the crowd's words, not mine!). But the Betties persisted in racking up as many points as possible, jamming Acid, DK, and Joyride over and over again. Eagle managed a couple of miracle jams while FrankNHurter, Havana Goodtime, and Untamed Shrew showed their blocking chops by holding the Betties jammers scoreless. Finally answering the crowd's yells of "Play your rookies! Blow-outs are boring!" the Betties jammed Northern Lights Out and Winnie the Pow for the last few jams, during which Eagle put up 30pts. The final whistle blew and the torture was over- the Betties beat GNR 172-102.
So what happened? Penalty trouble killed GNR, like it always does. It's as simple as that. And yet it's decidedly more complex when you break it down further. It's not just a matter of less GNR blockers equals a defensive/offensive disadvantage. That's obvious. The other result of constant penalty trouble is the inevitable panic that ensues. GNR gets flustered and confused, which ultimately leads to their downfall, especially against an unflappable team like the Betties. Suddenly, line-ups get sent out without adjusting to the prior jam, like someone isn't paying attention to what just happened on the track. Last-minute changes are called when the blockers are already on the track, which throws the whole jam into chaos. This sort of panicked line-up change has even led to a top skater being pulled, leaving a less-effective blocker on the track. I've seen this happen in bouts and at scrimmage. It's a frustrating pattern.
So there's that. But there's something else that I am still mystified about. When playing a team like the Betties, who skate with the utmost precision and agility, why were there GNR skaters on the track who couldn't get to where they needed to go in an equally-timely fashion? Don't play the skaters who get hit out and take an eternity to get back to the pack! Don't play the skaters who don't/can't do their job because they are constantly getting picked off and trapped by the opposing team! Don't leave skaters on the bench who do possess the skills to get to the front of the pack without help! If a skater is having an off night (or simply lacks the skills to begin with), stop playing them! In case you couldn't tell from my copious use of italics, I'm a little worked up about this. GNR needs to take a hard, objective look at how their line-ups are being determined.
Ok, the rants are over. Here are some good things that happened. One of GNR's strategies was to neutralize Acid (heh, 'neutralize avid') by sending Eagle out to jam against her every single time. I chuckle to myself when I imagine Acid on the jam line with Eagle. 'You again? Really?' And although it may not have been a jam-for-jam wash in terms of points, Eagle did succeed in matching Acid's 66pts with 67pts of her own. Unfortunately, there were no GNR jammers able to equalize Dekonstructor or Joyride, who put up 67pts and 37pts respectively. But Eagle did a hell of a job jamming, as she always does. I hope she never ever stops jamming for GNR. Especially as long as FrankNHurter and Havana Goodtime are around to block, so Eagle can just jam all day long.
And let's not forgot that brief shining moment at the start of the bout when GNR was in fierce control of the pack. If GNR had skated with that same level-headedness and tenacity the whole time, they very well could have beat the Betties. And in case you haven't heard, GNR will play the Betties again in the semi-finals on May 5th. I'm hoping it will be a very different game.
In other news...
Squid Vicious skated her last bout with GNR on March 31st. We'll miss you, Squiddles!
Mel Mangles is back on GNR! Holy crap! Just in time for semis...
Party with GNR! Your favorite ladies in black are hosting a fundraising blow-out on April 20th. Reserve your spot on the exclusive party bus, or come to Blitz Ladd later for drinks, games, and Karaoke From Hell. If you've never seen Untamed Shrew's rendition of Sin Wagon, you need to be there. What am I saying?! You need to be there anyway! Yours truly will be on board the tour bus, video-blogging. Yep, you heard me... Click below for tickets and info.
Rock on! \m/ \m/
Wednesday, February 29
Wednesday, February 15
Monday, January 30
Our very own butt-rocking beauties Untamed Shrew, Roller Eclipse, Juvie Hall, and Scouts Onher hit the road to bolster the roster of the Heartless Heathers for their bout against the Eugene Andromedolls last weekend. It's hard to picture Shrew in blue, but kudos to all for making the jaunt down I-5 to play some derby with their fellow Rose City Rollers. The Heathers and Co. dished out a 168-60 schooling to the Andromedolls.
Tryouts for the 2012 travel team turned out quite a showing of Guns N Rollers skaters. Seven (that's right, seven) GNR proved they have the right stuff to compete with the big dogs. Congrats to Scald Eagle, Havana Goodtime, newcomer Frank N Hurter, and Squid Vicious for joining the ranks of the elite Wheels of Justice. And double-horns to Braidy Punch, Juvie Hall, and the lovely Supa Sixpack for earning their first trip to the national level with Axles of Annihilation.
Well done, ladies! Rock on. \m/ \m/
Thursday, January 26
Jam 1: The first jam of the 2012 Season sees GNR's Squid Vicious take the line against the Heartless Heathers' The Blast Unicorn. Squid slips through the pack and earns lead jammer status with Blast not too far behind. Squid manages to clear the pack for 4pts and calls off the jam before Blast can reach the pack (GNR4-HH0).
Jam 2: Scald Eagle faces off against the Heathers; Teqkillya. Eagle earns lead jammer by has Teqkillya hot on her heels; she gets her 2pts from the Heathers' back wall and calls it (GNR6-HH0).
Jam 3: Supa Sixpack dons the jammer cap for GNR against Schemestress, but both take trips to the penalty box, and the jam goes the full 2min. Schemestress puts the Heathers on the board with 2pts and Sixpack picks up 4pts for GNR (GNR10-HH2).
Jam 4: In comes Braidy Punch, who racks up 15pts in a power jam and rockets GNR to a 25-2 lead. And GNR never looks back.
*At this point, I'm going to drop the GNR and HH from the running score. You guys are smart enough to keep track.*
Jam 5-9: A couple of GNR scoreless streaks give the Heathers an opportunity to mount a comeback, but the hard work of GNR's blockers hold the Heathers to scoreless/1-and-done jams, keeping GNR at a commanding lead (31-9).
Jam 10: Supa Sixpack puts 8pts on the board for GNR (39-9), followed by a 10pt jam from Scald Eagle (49-9).
Jam 12: Braidy Punch adds a grand slam to the tally, bringing the score to 54-13 as we take an official timeout.
Jam 14/15: Supa Sixpack gets sent to the penalty box in her jam against Toxic Haste, but comes out firing in the next jam, scoring 14pts for GNR (68-20).
Jam 18: New draft Scouts OnHer takes her first trip to the jam line. She's called out for an Illegal Procedure call, but comes back in and picks up 4pts while Teqkillya picks up 5pts to end the first half (80-25).
Jam 19: GNR starts the second half with a scoreless jam by Untamed Shrew, who wisely calls off the jam with The Blast Unicorn hot on her heels (80-25).
Jam 20: GNR blockers clear the way up the middle for Juvie Hall, who earns lead jammer status and puts 2pts up for GNR (82-25).
Jam 22: After a small scoreless streak the Heathers' The Blast Unicorn manages to grab 4pts against Braidy Punch (84-29). A comeback by the Heathers does not seem likely.
Jam 23: Juvie Hall and her lanky stride make another appearance, scoring 4pts for GNR to Schemestress' 6pts (88-35).
Jam 24: Untamed Shrew's famous 25pt jam. GNR blockers hold Heathers jammer Toxic Haste scoreless (and Havana Goodtime lays her out with a massive sternum-buster) while Shrew laps her again and again for five grand slams, putting GNR into double-digits (113-35).
Jam 27-35: GNR continues to rack up points during a 9-jam scoreless streak for the Heathers. Somewhere in there (after Jam 28) the Heathers' French Tickler gets ejected for accumulating too many penalty minutes (155-44).
Jam 36: Teqkillya finally snaps the Heathers' dry spell with a 4pt jam. Squid Vicious makes a final push and manages to reach the pack for 1pt before Teqkillya calls off the jam (156-48).
Jam 39: Untamed Shrew wears the jammer cap against Baccha Nailya. She earns lead jammer status and picks up 4pts while she waits for the game clock to expire. It finally does, and Shrew calls off the jam with 1:13 left on the jam clock. Final score: 164-56 and a win for GNR. And the crowd goes wild.
Top GNR jammers Untamed Shrew: 47pts Scald Eagle: 42pts Braidy Punch: 30pts Supa Sixpack: 26pts