Thursday, May 31

The Final Countdown (aka Season 7 Championships)

Hey rockers! Can you believe Season 7 is almost over?! It's been quite a ride, full of cheers and tears and all that good stuff in between.  Since Season 6 ended we've bid farewell to some lovely ladies (Itzo EZ, Guts N Bolts, Bella Massacre, Slaughtra, and Squid Vicious) and welcomed new talent to the Jungle (Braidy Punch, Va Va BOOM, Frank N Hurter, Scouts OnHer, Mel Mangles, Scarlene, and Yoga Nabi Sari). We got to see our beloved Guns N Rollers annihilate the Heartless Heathers in the season opener.  We watched, amazed, as GNR put up an epic fight against the Breck Neck Betties and the High Rollers.  We witnessed a season plagued by penalty trouble, but rich with triumphant moments and a helluva lot of fun.  We wrap up Season 7 this Saturday, June 2nd, much like we began, versus the Heartless Heathers at Memorial Coliseum. 

Keys to the Game

#1: Can you guess what my #1 is?  That's right: stay out of the box! GNR can do wonderful things when they've got a full contingent of blockers.  They can trap, they can form impenetrable walls, they can control the pace of the pack.  But as soon as the penalties start to pile up and they're down a blocker or two the magic is gone, and they are led by their opponent like spandex-clad sheep to the slaughter.

#2: Keep calm and rock on! Did you know that GNR beat the Betties in scrimmage yesterday?! I was there! I totally saw it happen! GNR kept their cool and played with precision and agility, and did an amazing job of controlling the Betties.  There were some great moments at scrimmage last night that I wish you all could have seen.  Supa Sixpack managed to knock over SoulFearic ACID while jamming against her- and she did it legally! Oh my god it was awesome. Havana Goodtime was like a whirling dervish in the pack, hitting a Bettie in the back of the pack and in the next instant flying up front to hit someone else.  Untamed Shrew unleashed the power of the 'toma to wreak havoc as a blocker.  It was a great scrimmage.  And a big reason was that everyone was nice and calm, focusing on what they needed to do and actually doing it.  There was no pressure, no cheering, no distractions, just smart skating and skilled execution. GNR, you play so well when you calm the f*** down.  So take a cue from Foreigner, and be as cold as ice.  Break it up. Tooth and nail.  Say you will. Yes, those are all songs by Foreigner. And yes, I've been listening to quite a bit of Foreigner lately.

#3: Don't let up! Unless you're at least 100 points on top, resist the urge to put in those throwaway line-ups.  Keep putting in your best skaters until the last four whistles blow, or at least until the game reaches there's-no-way-in-hell-this-will-be-anything-but-a-blow-out status.  Then maybe you can let off the gas a little. But until then, stick with your power line-ups. Do not experiment. Call an audible if you have to, if someone is just having an off night.  Don't try to force performance if it's just not there. But for the most part, stick with what's working, and change what needs changing.

#4: Have fun! Remember why we all fell in love with GNR? They may not win the most games, but they look like they're having the most fun out on the track. So GNR, keep that butt-rocking good humor and skate your hearts out! Go out in a blaze of glory.  Ok, that was Bon Jovi, not Foreigner.  But you get the idea.

So come to Memorial Coliseum this Saturday, June 2nd, to see your favorite ladies in animal print close out the season in style.  Rock on! \m/ \m/

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