Thursday, June 11

GnR Stands Against Red Menace!

We all saw three weekends ago how the Guns N Rollers can skate just as hard as the Breakneck Betties but not score the points they need to win, that Rock ≠ Points. So what do the GnRs need to do to defeat the Red Menace?

Of course, there are the obvious, halftime-analysis kinds of things: GnR needs to keep their jammer out the penalty box, they need to get lead jammer status, they need to score more points and hold the Betties to less points. And there are the injuries: Itzo EZ leaves a huge gap in their jammer line-up, Mullet


Used by kind permission.

Mullet is also out for the season, and while Wrench has been blocking, she's hasn't been up to jamming more than rarely. So much for the obvious and the uncontrollable.

In my 100% amateur analysis, one thing seems to hold GnR back more than anything: if their set play doesn't get their jammer through the pack, they often leave her to get through on her own, and often she ends up at the back of the pack getting knocked around like a ball in a pachinko machine. While this sort of approach does have its proponents (Gorden Ramsey, I hear, is a big fan), it doesn't seem to be getting GnR where they want to be.

Yes, I understand that my "one thing" is a whole bag of things tied up together. It's controlling pack speed. It's being aware of what your jammer and the other blockers are up to. It's not running out of the pack to chase down the other jammer because she's gotten through. But just like the High Rollers, who have been able to bring things together and dominated the Heathers last weekend, GnR has the talent they need to handle the Betties. Sure, they've got demons like Cadillac and Rhea DeRange that they have to contain, and they'd be in better shape if they had Hard Knox and GMT on the track this Saturday.

But GnR has Blood Clottia, who hasn't failed to deliver that I can remember this season. GnR has Aurora Brutalis

Aurora Brutalis

©pdxsharkey (aka Steve Mancini)
Used by kind permission.

Aurora Brutalis, who's been on fire recently. GnR has Axl Blows, who I think counts for twice her size, and Smack Ya, who is twice as fast as her size might suggest. And even though Wrench probably won't jam, and even if November Pain has trouble getting into her groove while she's wearing the star, both of them are smart, experienced skaters who should take control of the pack. And I haven't even mentioned Punchkin, RollaReina, Napalm Beth

Napalm Beth

©pdxsharkey (aka Steve Mancini)
Used by kind permission.

Napalm Beth, Grace Lightning, or Viva Vendetta.

What do you all think GnR needs to do to save rock-and-roll, freedom, and America from that horde of tyrannical, oppressive, godless, communist, Breakneck Bolsheviks?


  1. I'd say you go "Doom Metal" on their asses. That slow, brutal,menacing tempo sort of thing.

    The Betties love to skate fast and hit, they do that well. Don't let them dictate pace. We have all seem how frustrated those Betties get when it's not their breakneck style. Use it...

    The GnR have shown several times this year how adaptive they can be. They have also shown how brutal they be. Use both of those things! The GnR have comeback from behind by taking the other teams game away from them, by controlling pace and kicking ass. Use it...

    Most importantly make the Rock=Points!

  2. 1. LOts of D.
    2. Beat the living shit outta the opposing jammer.
    3. Hit hard and hit frequently without regard to whatever the score may be and do it from the get-go.
    4. One-on-one while GnR jammer is alone in the pack and walls when the BB jammer is alone in the pack
    5. More defensive jamming.

    I have spoken.
    That is all.

  3. I have no advice to anyone regarding this bout other than have fun and listen to Harm because she yells some funny shit.

  4. With the Betties being confident, and GnR being injured, my take-it-for-what-it's-worth advice is ... be unexpected.

    Confused Betties are vulnerable Betties.

    (Oh, also ... play defense!)

  5. Just wanted to comment on the write-up about the June 13th bout vs. the BB: