Going for the Green

Greetings, rockers! Are you ready to cheer your beloved Guns N Rollers on to another victory? You'll get your chance this Saturday, when your ladies in black take on the #1-ranked High Rollers at 6:00pm in the hangar. Oh, the anticipation...

GNR is fresh off their impressive win against the Heartless Heathers in the Season 7 Opener and are looking to add another win to their record. They've been working hard and talking a lot of strategy, which will be an important element to defeating the High Rollers. The High Rollers play a smart game, controlling the pack and setting up solid walls to stymie the opposing jammer. Slippery HR jammers like Napoleon Blownapart need very little help getting through the pack, which means the High Rollers blockers can afford to ease up on offense and focus solely on defense. HR blockers are a formidable force when there are two or more of them, but they sometimes struggle when isolated. The key to GNR's success will be to control the pack and to keep HR from forming those mighty walls of green. It's a difficult task to keep a High Rollers jammer from racking up points, but GNR will be able to give HR a run for their money as long as they can help get their jammers through the pack.

This will be a tough battle, but I am beyond thrilled to be able to say that GNR has a real shot at beating the High Rollers. I'm looking forward to seeing more of the Havana Goodtime/Frank N Hurter blocking duo. I can't wait to watch GNR's own slippery jammer Squid Vicious sneak her way through the pack. I have a feeling Scald Eagle will be pulling double-duty as both a jammer and a blocker. I forsee a high-scoring, super-intense, possibly chaotic bout. I fully intend to lose my voice (and probably my mind).

Roster Report (well, rumors, really)...

The High Rollers may be down a couple of key skaters, including Napalm Beth and Hurricane Skatrina. It is also rumored that Napoleon Blownapart will be a game-time decision due to some knee issues. And while I hate to see amazing skaters felled by injury, I don't mind the implications for GNR.

In Other News...

New travel-teamers Supa Sixpack, Juvie Hall, and Braidy Punch made the trip down I-5 last weekend to skate with the Axles of Annihilation at the Big O Tournament in Eugene. Yours truly went to cheer them on, of course. Despite taking a shot to the face early in the game, Sixpack was a lithe, muscle-y little menace on the track, jamming a ton in her first bout on the travel team. Braidy was her usual deadly self, making smart platys on the track and knowing exactly where she needed to be at all times. And Juvie Hall! Seriously, you guys. This girl is a fantastic positional blocker. If you're able to peel your eyes away from the phenom that is Scald Eagle, look for Juvie. You'll be glad you did. Congrats on your win, ladies!

And finally...

The hangar has new port-a-potties! Ok, this has nothing to do with GNR, but I am damn excited about the shiny new facilities parked outside the hangar. How fancy are they? The first time I saw them I thought it was a food cart. That's how fancy.

See you all at the hangar on Saturday! Rock on! \m/ \m/

Guns N Rollers News

Hey rockers! Time for a GNR News Flash:

Road Trip!

Our very own butt-rocking beauties Untamed Shrew, Roller Eclipse, Juvie Hall, and Scouts Onher hit the road to bolster the roster of the Heartless Heathers for their bout against the Eugene Andromedolls last weekend. It's hard to picture Shrew in blue, but kudos to all for making the jaunt down I-5 to play some derby with their fellow Rose City Rollers. The Heathers and Co. dished out a 168-60 schooling to the Andromedolls.

Travel Team!

Tryouts for the 2012 travel team turned out quite a showing of Guns N Rollers skaters. Seven (that's right, seven) GNR proved they have the right stuff to compete with the big dogs. Congrats to Scald Eagle, Havana Goodtime, newcomer Frank N Hurter, and Squid Vicious for joining the ranks of the elite Wheels of Justice. And double-horns to Braidy Punch, Juvie Hall, and the lovely Supa Sixpack for earning their first trip to the national level with Axles of Annihilation.

Well done, ladies! Rock on. \m/ \m/

Season Opener Recap

Hey rockers! Now that we've all had a chance to let the thrill of the Guns N Rollers' amazing victory over the Heartless Heathers sink in, here is the summarized play-by-play of the action. Rock on! \m/ \m/

First Half

Jam 1: The first jam of the 2012 Season sees GNR's Squid Vicious take the line against the Heartless Heathers' The Blast Unicorn. Squid slips through the pack and earns lead jammer status with Blast not too far behind. Squid manages to clear the pack for 4pts and calls off the jam before Blast can reach the pack (GNR4-HH0).

Jam 2: Scald Eagle faces off against the Heathers; Teqkillya. Eagle earns lead jammer by has Teqkillya hot on her heels; she gets her 2pts from the Heathers' back wall and calls it (GNR6-HH0).

Jam 3: Supa Sixpack dons the jammer cap for GNR against Schemestress, but both take trips to the penalty box, and the jam goes the full 2min. Schemestress puts the Heathers on the board with 2pts and Sixpack picks up 4pts for GNR (GNR10-HH2).

Jam 4: In comes Braidy Punch, who racks up 15pts in a power jam and rockets GNR to a 25-2 lead. And GNR never looks back.

*At this point, I'm going to drop the GNR and HH from the running score. You guys are smart enough to keep track.*

Jam 5-9: A couple of GNR scoreless streaks give the Heathers an opportunity to mount a comeback, but the hard work of GNR's blockers hold the Heathers to scoreless/1-and-done jams, keeping GNR at a commanding lead (31-9).

Jam 10: Supa Sixpack puts 8pts on the board for GNR (39-9), followed by a 10pt jam from Scald Eagle (49-9).

Jam 12: Braidy Punch adds a grand slam to the tally, bringing the score to 54-13 as we take an official timeout.

Jam 14/15: Supa Sixpack gets sent to the penalty box in her jam against Toxic Haste, but comes out firing in the next jam, scoring 14pts for GNR (68-20).

Jam 18: New draft Scouts OnHer takes her first trip to the jam line. She's called out for an Illegal Procedure call, but comes back in and picks up 4pts while Teqkillya picks up 5pts to end the first half (80-25).

Second Half

Jam 19: GNR starts the second half with a scoreless jam by Untamed Shrew, who wisely calls off the jam with The Blast Unicorn hot on her heels (80-25).

Jam 20: GNR blockers clear the way up the middle for Juvie Hall, who earns lead jammer status and puts 2pts up for GNR (82-25).

Jam 22: After a small scoreless streak the Heathers' The Blast Unicorn manages to grab 4pts against Braidy Punch (84-29). A comeback by the Heathers does not seem likely.

Jam 23: Juvie Hall and her lanky stride make another appearance, scoring 4pts for GNR to Schemestress' 6pts (88-35).

Jam 24: Untamed Shrew's famous 25pt jam. GNR blockers hold Heathers jammer Toxic Haste scoreless (and Havana Goodtime lays her out with a massive sternum-buster) while Shrew laps her again and again for five grand slams, putting GNR into double-digits (113-35).

Jam 27-35: GNR continues to rack up points during a 9-jam scoreless streak for the Heathers. Somewhere in there (after Jam 28) the Heathers' French Tickler gets ejected for accumulating too many penalty minutes (155-44).

Jam 36: Teqkillya finally snaps the Heathers' dry spell with a 4pt jam. Squid Vicious makes a final push and manages to reach the pack for 1pt before Teqkillya calls off the jam (156-48).

Jam 39: Untamed Shrew wears the jammer cap against Baccha Nailya. She earns lead jammer status and picks up 4pts while she waits for the game clock to expire. It finally does, and Shrew calls off the jam with 1:13 left on the jam clock. Final score: 164-56 and a win for GNR. And the crowd goes wild.

Top GNR jammers Untamed Shrew: 47pts Scald Eagle: 42pts Braidy Punch: 30pts Supa Sixpack: 26pts