It's that holiday time of year again!
That means it's time for Smack Ya Sideways to put the Trans-Siberian Orchestra in the CD player and hit "Repeat."
Gwen'nich Mean Time and Grace Lightning will put on their favorite holiday sweaters.
Punchkin and Napalm Beth will hang a couple of fishnet stockings on the mantle.
And after a few too many egg nogs (which Fist O' Fury has spiked with a little too much bourbon), the whole team will tell old Santa Claus what he's going to bring them for Christmas if he knows what's good for him.
There were years past when the GnRs would put on the charm (and the Derbyskins) and tease poor Santa until he gave them what they wanted.
But let's face it, Santa's no Jon Bon Jovi.
He's not even Sebastian Bach.
Nope. He's older than David Coverdale, and he's let himself go worse than all of Van Halen put together.
And while the GnRs definitely prefer someone with a bit of experience, Santa's thing where he drops in on everyone over a single night is really pretty tacky.
And needy too.
Then nothing for a whole year?
I'm sure you can understand how quickly the GnRs decided that they'd had enough of that.
(Not to mention that quite a few of them were always more into Mrs. Claus anyway.)
Still, they do like presents.
Things didn't start off so bad. At first, it was just threats.
But last year, there was The Incident.
In their defense, the GnRs claim to have mistaken him for one of the Breakneck Betties. (If you've ever heard Marollin' Monroe laugh, you can see how that could happen.)
And really, who are you going to believe? Santa?
Or the Guns N Rollers?
\m/ Exactly. \m/
So this year, Santa's decided that he's had enough.
He is contractually obligated to hear their requests and distribute gifts, but he sees no reason to put himself in harm's (or The Harmacist's) way.
This year he's sent surrogates.
So pick your Santa Stand-In, and let's hear what you want this year!
See you for Season Five in January!