Guns N Rollers hosted I-5 All-Stars on Friday night at the Oaks Park hangar and delivered to them a beating not seen since Keith Moon sat at a drum kit for the Who.
If this was a preview of GnRs strategy for the Rose City Rollers 2010 season (and I really hope it is), that strategy has two simple parts:
- Hit the jammer.
- A lot.
Besides new(ish) GnR skaters Suki Hana, Mel Mangles, and Evilia D Stroiu, the line-up also included Cadillac, Goodie Two Skates, and Sarah the tireless 7-year-old cheerleader.
Cadillac took advantage of her brief release from the oppressive restrictions of the Betties limited two-color palette to rock a daring mix of several animal prints.
Goodie looked like she'd just come from a casting call for Rock of Love Skate and out GnR'ed the GnR with so much wonderful awful.
(Brett Michaels and any other middle-aged, extra-eyelinered rockers pretending to look for love can direct their inquiries care of this blog.)
Sarah relentlessly urged the GnR to further hitting. She marched along the sidelines all night, throwing horns and chanting "G-N-R! G-N-R!"
Some even speculated that she may well be the true source of all of GnR's powers. Whether or not that's true, with her on their side, the GnR are unstoppable!
Imagine, one look at her, and rollergirls will simply dissolve.
All of L33t Speaking Missile's r4wr will be fail.
She will knock the wind out of Hurricane Skatrina and have Layla Smackdown on her knees begging, "Darling, please."
Even the Heartless Heathers will fall before her: Sol Train will stop in her tracks, and Mick U Cry, Mobi-wan Kenobi, and the rest will be able to do nothing but sigh and coo like Cherry Lipsmacker with a basket full of fluffy kittens.
And then they will all suffer the merciless hitting (that's what Smack says).
So while GnR may have failed to score two hundred points, they proved beyond any doubt that an ad hoc mash-up of skaters from Emerald City, Cherry City, Rainy City, and various Washington counties all thrown together into one giant grab-bag of feisty rollergirls are no match for them!
As usual, thanks to Sharkey for the pix! You can see his whole set here.