Saturday, April 3

Hard Knox = Awesome

GnR skater Hard Knox deserves more credit than she often gets, I think.

This season, GnR has lots of strong blockers: Mel Mangles, Napalm Beth, and Mercyful Kate, for example. But while Knox doesn't call attention to herself with big hits ("hits"—that's "hits," with an "h") or spend a lot of time sitting on the other jammer. she was, at last record, one of the top three skaters in the league whose opponents score the fewest points while she's on the track. Apparently, just her presence on the track hinders her opponents.

And now she jams too. And not in the "we're ahead by a hundred points, so here's something silly" way either.

Now I'm not the biggest fan of sports statistics, so let me translate her contribution into terms I can better relate to. To make Hard Knox out of characters from Star Wars, you'd have to throw Princess Leia (for the feisty confidence), Han Solo (for rogueish charm), and Boba Fett (just plain badassery) into that garbage smasher thing on the Death Star and squish them all up together.

And then you'd have to add Scarlett Johansson because Star Wars simply doesn't have enough sexy to equal Knox. (And, no, Princess Leia in the metal bikini top and even a barely legal Natalie Portman don't cut it.)

For those of you who prefer not to read, consider the following illustration:

Or, I dunno, maybe I'm the only one who hasn't been giving her enough credit?

And please, if you're inclined to do a Google search for "princess leia," don't. Even with SafeSearch on. Because ewwwwwwww.

\m/ \m/


  1. I concur - TOTALLY underrated.

    Jena's one of the unsung cornerstones of the team. When she's on the track, GnR is just better.

    And only a *fraction* of that is due to roguish charm. :)

  2. I knew Knox's awesomeness the moment I met her. I was so smitten with her incredible skill and kick ass personality, it took me a year to ask her to be my derby wife (hey, I'm shy). Now I need her to teach me how to be a rockin' bad ass. Love you Knoxie!

  3. Great post! Casual fans only pay attention to the jammers, but jammers couldn't do anything without the skill, intelligence, and kick-ass-ness of the blockers. And Knox is one of the best.

  4. Thanks for that nice post Snarky! You really can be sweet when you want to be ;) -Knoxie

  5. I love your posts! I always get them but the Star Wars translation is the best so far.