Monday, January 24

WTF Happened to the GnRs, man?

"Where were all the GnRs who should have been skating at the Coliseum?"

"Why did every GnR jam at the Coliseum look so much like thisHavana Good Time and D-Day

GnR Havana Good Time picks herself up off the track, while Heathers blocker D-Day menaces.
Photo by Skippy Steve.


"Has GnR lost their mojo?"

These may be the kinds of questions you've been asking yourself no matter if the scramble at the Memorial Coliseum was your first Rose City Rollers experience or if you've been dreaming in animal prints for years and know what it is to "pull a poodle." And I'm gonna try to answer them.

Here, I'll just try to help you figure out where the GnRs went and who's replaced them for this season. It'll take another post at least to try to figure out the other answers.

The short answer: nearly every GnR skater retired.

Let's do the math....

Here's the GnR team that beat the Betties to finish third in the league last June. They have a full charter of twenty skaters (Mullet and Pain—in the colorful wigs—are coaches and don't count), but Mercyful Kate's fractured her tib/fib and won't skate in the championships.

Now, follow along.

During the off-season, eight of these skaters retire:

MKate's injured and moves back to Olympia. Evilia D. Stroiu moves to Hawaii, and Boxcar Bethy also moves to Ontario.

Hard Knox, Cher The Pain, Fist O'Fury, Knocker Bown, and Axl Blows also hang up their skates. Except for Knocker, these are all veterans who have skated at least two seasons with GnR, and Axl Blows skated five seasons with RCR. Axl is a founding GnR skater who skated for RCR's travel team from before they were called the Wheels Of Justice until midway through last season; she was also the last skater with derby name that plays on the Guns N Roses theme.

Those eight retirements leave a team that looks like thisGuns N Rollers

Retirements leave (back) Juvie, Punchkin, Reina, Smack, Napalm, Micro, Sly, (front) Mullet (coach), Cadi, Mangles, Blood, Bella, Sugar, and Pain (coach).


During this same period, GnR drafts four new skaters—Dirty Ann Rotten, Harajuke A Girl, Havana Good Time, and Awnry O'Hulligan—and their charter stands at sixteen skaters (20 - 8 + 4 = 16).

Then come the tryouts for travel team. Punchkin, Bella Massacre, and Havana Good Time are selected for Axles of Annihilation. Smack, Napalm, Cadillac, Mangles, and Blood all skated for Wheels Of Justice last season, and all of them are chosen for WoJ again this season. All five of them also retire from GnR to skate solely for WoJ this season.

Those additional retirements leave only seven skaters from Season 5 who are chartered for Season 6. Thirteen skaters retired from GnRGuns N Rollers

The Magnificent Seven GnR from Season 5 (back) Juvie, Punchkin, Reina, Micro, Sly, (front) Bella, and Sugar.

retired from GnR before the start of this season. With the five skaters retired to Wheels and including the four new skaters drafted, GnR has a charter of eleven skatersGuns N Rollers

GnR has eleven skaters after five skaters retire to Wheels of Justice.

eleven skaters.

Before the season opener at the Coliseum, GnR drafts three more skaters—Slaughtra, Roller Eclipse, and Mora Manipulator—and brings their charter up to fourteen, which brings their charter up to a full bout roster of fourteen, but Harriet The Sly isn't skating because of injury, so GnR is allowed to skate Guts & Bolts in the scramble.[Note]Thanks to Roller Eclipse for pointing out that bout rosters are only fourteen skaters not fifteen as I'd mistakenly typed. /snark[Note]

Then it turns out that Mora Manipulator is moving out of state, which means she has now retired from GnR (yes, the scramble was both her debut and her farewell for RCR and GnR). Because Mora's departure leaves GnR with only thirteen skaters, the team asks for a "special draft" so they don't have to wait until the next regular draft to add a few more skaters to their charter. The league approved a special draft, which took place last Thursday and at which GnR picked up former GnR Guts & BoltsGuts & Bolts

Heidi Go Seek (210) and Texine (behind) look to lay out a big High Rollers welcome for returning GnR skater Guts & Bolts.
Photo by Skippy Steve.

Guts & Bolts, Scald EagleScald EagleScald Eagle (who had been drafted by the Break Neck Betties but who exercised the 30-day return-to-Fresh-Meat option), and Supa SixpackSupa SixpackSupa Sixpack.

So. If you've kept track at home, the sixteen current GnRs are:

  • 11 Punchkin (co-captain)
  • 69 Sugar & Vice (co-captain)
  • 12oz Micro Bruiser
  • 19 Harriet The Sly
  • 28 Dirty Ann Rotten
  • 37 Awrny O'Hulligan
  • 38 Guts & Bolts
  • 50 Scald Eagle
  • 81 Havana Good Time
  • 214 Bella Massacre
  • 419b Juvie Hall
  • 480 Harajuke A Girl
  • 509 Rolla Reina
  • 831 Slaughtra
  • 1221 Roller Eclipse
  • Supa Sixpack

And those are the GnRs who will skate against the Break Neck Betties in the first regular bout of the season at the Oaks Park Hangar on Saturday night.

(Thanks to Roller Eclipse who pointed out that RCR has increased bout rosters for league teams from WFTDA's fourteen skaters to sixteen skaters, so Punchkin and Sugar don't have to decide who to keep off the roster. On the other hand, Harriet is still out injured, and Supa Sixpack has a cracked rib—already?—so only fourteen GnRs will skate on Saturday. Thanks again, Eclipse!)

See you there!

\m/ \m/

[Post edited on 1/26/2011 to correct roster size issues. /snark]


  1. Bout roster is now 16 skaters. So looks like you're in luck. I can't wait. GnR has up-and-coming BADASSES! And WOJ will be skating February 4th, so you'll hardly have time to miss those TT-only ladies.

  2. I think that maybe with the current conditions of the GnR being a mostly Freshie team, that some patrons are jumping to conclusions about their ability as a team. I myself have had the honor of skating a team practice with the GnR's and it was the hardest and best practice EVER!!! I mean ever. The team work and closeness from all the skaters seems to me will make a tough component to beat after they find a good mesh of jammer and blocker connection. They definitely have passionate players with spunk and a desire to rock and roll. I think this will happen...LET's Get'em...GnR...time for WORLD Domination!!

  3. Minor corrections: bout rosters used to be 14. Sly did not skate at the opener for medical reasons and Guts was approved to join us as a guest skater to keep the roster @ 14. The training committee has just approved the change to allow 16 skaters on home team bout rosters, however Sly is still on medical leave and new GNR Supa Sixpack has a cracked rib, so we will actually still be at 14 on this Saturday's roster. But don't count us out! I think fans will see some improvements from GNR over just 2 weeks ago!

  4. Thank you, Eclipse. I don't know why I was thinking 15 for rosters. It wasn't that long ago that this came up on the RCR forums....

  5. Nicely done, Doctor - EXCELLENT use of visual aids to make the point. And gosh, I just knew we could count on you for a moderate stance on the TT-only topic. ;)

    Can't wait to visit the Hangar this weekend ... I think the new GnR crew is gonna surprise a few people!

  6. Thank you Dr. for a time line of departures and explanations. As you can see, it has been a transformative 6 months for GnR. Please know, as mentioned above, (thank u anonymous) we are working hard and coming together. C u all Saturday! We will be listening for your support.