WTF Happened to the GnRs, man?

"Where were all the GnRs who should have been skating at the Coliseum?"

"Why did every GnR jam at the Coliseum look so much like this

GnR Havana Good Time picks herself up off the track, while Heathers blocker D-Day menaces.
Photo by Skippy Steve. http://stevenlprice.smugmug.com/

this?"

"Has GnR lost their mojo?"

These may be the kinds of questions you've been asking yourself no matter if the scramble at the Memorial Coliseum was your first Rose City Rollers experience or if you've been dreaming in animal prints for years and know what it is to "pull a poodle." And I'm gonna try to answer them.

Here, I'll just try to help you figure out where the GnRs went and who's replaced them for this season. It'll take another post at least to try to figure out the other answers.

The short answer: nearly every GnR skater retired.

Let's do the math....

The Guns N Rollers at the end of Season 5: (back row) Juvie Hall, Punchkin, Evilia D. Stroiu, Boxcar Bethy, Knocker Brown, Hard Knox, Rolla Reina, Cher The Pain, Smack Ya Sideways, Mercyful Kate, Napalm Beth, Axl Blows, Micro Bruiser, Harriet The Sly; (front row) Mullet (coach), Cadillac, Fist O'Fury, Mel Mangles, Blood Clottia, Bella Massacre, Sugar & Vice, November Pain (coach).

Here's the GnR team that beat the Betties to finish third in the league last June. They have a full charter of twenty skaters (Mullet and Pain—in the colorful wigs—are coaches and don't count), but Mercyful Kate's fractured her tib/fib and won't skate in the championships.

Now, follow along.

During the off-season, eight of these skaters retire:

MKate's injured and moves back to Olympia. Evilia D. Stroiu moves to Hawaii, and Boxcar Bethy also moves to Ontario.

Hard Knox, Cher The Pain, Fist O'Fury, Knocker Bown, and Axl Blows also hang up their skates. Except for Knocker, these are all veterans who have skated at least two seasons with GnR, and Axl Blows skated five seasons with RCR. Axl is a founding GnR skater who skated for RCR's travel team from before they were called the Wheels Of Justice until midway through last season; she was also the last skater with derby name that plays on the Guns N Roses theme.

Those eight retirements leave a team that looks like this

Retirements leave (back) Juvie, Punchkin, Reina, Smack, Napalm, Micro, Sly, (front) Mullet (coach), Cadi, Mangles, Blood, Bella, Sugar, and Pain (coach).

this.

During this same period, GnR drafts four new skaters—Dirty Ann Rotten, Harajuke A Girl, Havana Good Time, and Awnry O'Hulligan—and their charter stands at sixteen skaters (20 - 8 + 4 = 16).

Then come the tryouts for travel team. Punchkin, Bella Massacre, and Havana Good Time are selected for Axles of Annihilation. Smack, Napalm, Cadillac, Mangles, and Blood all skated for Wheels Of Justice last season, and all of them are chosen for WoJ again this season. All five of them also retire from GnR to skate solely for WoJ this season.

Those additional retirements leave only seven skaters from Season 5 who are chartered for Season 6. Thirteen skaters retired from GnR

The Magnificent Seven GnR from Season 5 (back) Juvie, Punchkin, Reina, Micro, Sly, (front) Bella, and Sugar.

retired from GnR before the start of this season. With the five skaters retired to Wheels and including the four new skaters drafted, GnR has a charter of eleven skaters

GnR has eleven skaters after five skaters retire to Wheels of Justice.

eleven skaters.

The Guns N Rollers at the beginning of Season 6. Not shown: Guts & Bolts, Scald Eagle, Supa Sixpack (newly drafted). Shown but since retired (already): Mora Manipulator.

Before the season opener at the Coliseum, GnR drafts three more skaters—Slaughtra, Roller Eclipse, and Mora Manipulator—and brings their charter up to fourteen, which brings their charter up to a full bout roster of fourteen, but Harriet The Sly isn't skating because of injury, so GnR is allowed to skate Guts & Bolts in the scramble.[Note]Thanks to Roller Eclipse for pointing out that bout rosters are only fourteen skaters not fifteen as I'd mistakenly typed. /snark[Note]

Then it turns out that Mora Manipulator is moving out of state, which means she has now retired from GnR (yes, the scramble was both her debut and her farewell for RCR and GnR). Because Mora's departure leaves GnR with only thirteen skaters, the team asks for a "special draft" so they don't have to wait until the next regular draft to add a few more skaters to their charter. The league approved a special draft, which took place last Thursday and at which GnR picked up former GnR Guts & Bolts

Heidi Go Seek (210) and Texine (behind) look to lay out a big High Rollers welcome for returning GnR skater Guts & Bolts.
Photo by Skippy Steve. http://stevenlprice.smugmug.com/

Guts & Bolts, Scald EagleScald Eagle (who had been drafted by the Break Neck Betties but who exercised the 30-day return-to-Fresh-Meat option), and Supa SixpackSupa Sixpack.

So. If you've kept track at home, the sixteen current GnRs are:

• 11 Punchkin (co-captain)
• 69 Sugar & Vice (co-captain)
• 12oz Micro Bruiser
• 19 Harriet The Sly
• 28 Dirty Ann Rotten
• 37 Awrny O'Hulligan
• 38 Guts & Bolts
• 50 Scald Eagle
• 81 Havana Good Time
• 214 Bella Massacre
• 419b Juvie Hall
• 480 Harajuke A Girl
• 509 Rolla Reina
• 831 Slaughtra
• 1221 Roller Eclipse
• Supa Sixpack

And those are the GnRs who will skate against the Break Neck Betties in the first regular bout of the season at the Oaks Park Hangar on Saturday night.

(Thanks to Roller Eclipse who pointed out that RCR has increased bout rosters for league teams from WFTDA's fourteen skaters to sixteen skaters, so Punchkin and Sugar don't have to decide who to keep off the roster. On the other hand, Harriet is still out injured, and Supa Sixpack has a cracked rib—already?—so only fourteen GnRs will skate on Saturday. Thanks again, Eclipse!)

See you there!

\m/ \m/

[Post edited on 1/26/2011 to correct roster size issues. /snark]