Rolling Stoners Debut

This past Friday, Guns N Rollers Awnry O'Hulligan, Bella Massacre, Dirty Ann Rotten, Harajuke A Girl, Harriet The Sly, Havana Good Time, and Micro Bruiser hooked up with a fistful of High Rollers at the hangar to meet Cherry City's 8-Wheel Assassins on the track.

Their meeting came off a lot like a meeting between a Starbucks window and a protester at a G20 summitG20 summit, and it was a great example of how bouts are decided by the pack not by jammers. It's not uncommon to hear jammers described as the "quarterbacks" of derby, and while jammers often do, like football quarterbacks, determine how their team will try to score points, they're always also the ball. The jammer may initiate some plays and determine her own action, but just as much as she does that, she's also the object that the rest of her team moves around the track to score points by opening holes and lanes that allow her to pass opposing blockers.

Control of the pack was what allowed Cherry City to keep putting up points while denying points to the Stoners. The Stoners were a party-mix of new Rose City skaters who had a hard time communicating with each other and responding to each other's moves within the pack and who often found themselves reacting individually to Cherry City skaters. Cherry City, by contrast, were all more experienced skaters who knew much better what to expect of each other and who could better manipulate the Stoners into weaker positions and give their own jammers easy scoring passes.

Micro Bruiser (12) and Awnry O'Hulligan (37) give Cherry City's pivot Toxic Assets the Malachi Crunch.

Despite being smashed to bits under Cherry City's skates, there were a lot of individual bright spots on the track for GnR fans.

Micro Bruiser delivered macro bruises to several surprised Cherry City skaters. I kept thinking of that smarmy green oven-mitt thing in The Empire Strikes Back: "Judge me by my size do you? Hmm?"

Havana Good Time had some trouble staying upright in Turn 2 (she blames her new wheels—whatever), but she showed great speed and strong footwork. She

Havana Good Time lays a solid hit on Squid Vicious.

She and teammate Bella Massacre

Elbow tight, all shoulder into Curry Fury: Bella Massacre has great hits!

Bella Massacre delivered solid hits with textbook form—Harajuke A Girl

I think that's Curry Fury getting an introduction to Harajuke A Girl's street style.

Harajuke A Girl too.

Dirty Ann Rotten loves the naughty box!

Dirty Ann Rotten showed how skaters can easily rack up three consecutive minutes in the penalty box.

On her way to the box, she picked up a second minute (probably for clicking her mouth guard out before she was seated in the box).

Then before she could even re-enter play, she was sent back to the box for another minute (likely for failing to put her mouth guard back in or for leaving the box before the penalty timer actually released her). Oops. :/

I think Awnry O'Hulligan (37) owes us an explanation. At the very least, she owes Squeeze Box (E3) an explanation.

Something should also be said, I think, about Awnry O'Hulligan.

I have no idea what Awnry could possibly be doing to Cherry City's Squeeze Box there, nor do I remember seeing it happen (because I averted my innocent eyes), but Squeeze Box seems to be as, um, surprised as I am.

I'm sure we'd all appreciate any light that could be shed on this. Thank you!

(Also, Awnry appears to have tried something similar with her fellow Rolling Stoner Tits N Assphault here

Why is everyone laughing? TNA looks like she's about to cry.

here.)

Smack Ya Sideways and friend.

Finally, I would like to congratulate Smack Ya Sideways for making it through an entire bout without even a minor penalty.

Yes, I know she was coaching the 8-Wheel Assassins, but she's been sent out for lesser things before.

I kept expecting her to get a major for being on the track without proper safety equipment at least.

Or running clockwise to pull extra skaters out of the line up.

One more thing: If you aren't at the GnR Ugly Christmas Sweater Party this Saturday, PunchkinPunchkin will have words with you.

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