Ugly Christmas Sweater Party

The Guns N Rollers are throwing an Ugly Christmas Sweater party!

It doesn't matter if you don't celebrate Christmas: if you've hung around with the GnR over a holiday or two, you probably already know that the GnRs' winter holiday of choice is EZmas, which also happens to fall on December 25.

Unfortunately, there are no ugly EZmas sweaters. And while there may be other Ugly Sweaters, Christmas provides a black hole to which Ugly Sweaters are drawn.

Christmas is an ultimate convergence of synthetic fibers into tasteless patterns.

It is a great woolly conjunction of 8-bit graphics Santas. A Sturm und Drang of tacky snowmen. A noxious, fumy cauldron of decorated fir trees. It is a knitted R'lyeh where sleeps a red-and-white-striped Cthulhu hemmed with tiny jingle bells.

It is a yarny apocalypse of dancing reindeer.

Click for sweaters.

Only the sweaters are ugly.

Click for sweaters.

And you are invited to celebrate the horror that is Ugly Christmas Sweaters on Saturday 11 December with dancing to bitchin' 80s pop at the Water Heater at 750 N. Fremont in Portland.

$7 cash gets you in the door. Or $5 and a can of food. (No beets.)

Ugly Christmas Sweaters are not required. But really, what's the effing point of celebrating the Ugly Christmas Sweater if you aren't going to wear one?

\m/ \m/