So. The Guns N Rollers lost to the Break Neck Betties last weekend in the first bout of the Rose City Rollers home season. Not much of a surprise there. But I'm going to focus on the positive here, which, I must admit, is contrary to my nature.
One of the night's high points came early, and it was the daughter of Awnry O'Hulligan stepping up at the last minute to sing the national anthem. While we've had some strong renditions of the national anthem (I'm thinking of Minstrel and Mr. Psycho recently), we've also had some pretty weak ones. Even accounting for Little O'Hulligan's moment of panic and lyrical forgetfulness, hers would have been among the strong renditions even if she'd been called on ahead of time—that she was asked just a few minutes beforehand puts it clearly in the win.
Next I have to applaud GnR's choice of uniform: the black rocker tees and denim skirts or shorts is my favorite GnR boutfit. It's easily varied and customized by each skater but stays uniform enough to be a uniform without being sporty (which, I think, clashes with the rocker aesthetic). I was glad to see it back.
And then there was Scald Eagle's debut.
I was going to leave it pretty much at that, but after George's analysis rant over at the Heartless Heathers blog, it seems that some response here is in order.
I am not a physician, so I cannot guess at what humorous imbalance so distresses George that he devolves into paroxysms of fear and revulsion, flop sweat, or fits of spontaneous barking whenever he encounters a woman wearing any combination of animal print, rocker tee, mouth guard, or black. But I hope he seeks professional help soon. (Please pass along your to him your recommendations of knowledgeable surgeons, apothecaries, leeches, barbers, or the like.)
Regardless of George's disease, his complaints seem to boil down to two three things: Scald Eagle fails to live up to her hype, rookies make lots of rookie mistakes, and GnR still exists.
Allow me to respond point by point.
One. What hype? I'd heard that Scald is a promising rookie with lots of raw talent who would be exciting to watch develop as a skater. And that's exactly what I saw Saturday night. She showed some explosive bursts of speed and sure-footed navigation through the pack as a jammer. Her experience is with ice hockey, so she's still getting a feel for how skates work with wheels on them instead of blades. She's got legs, and as the poet says, she knows how to use them, and I think it will be exciting to see her skills and especially her tactics improve.
George, on the other hand, appears to have heard that Scald Eagle is the second coming of Ronnie James Dio and expected her to arrive wielding Excalibur in one hand and an M1911 automatic pistol (with custom grips and inscribed "vindicta mihi") in the other, wrapped in Old Glory, riding an Ancient Red Dragon, leading an army of saber-toothed tigers and zombies, breathing fire, and singing the "Battle Hymn of the Republic."
When she failed to breathe fire or sing, George declared her a disappointment. (George, why do you hate America? And dragons?) And if that was the hype, then yes, Scald Eagle failed to live up to it.
Two. Rookies do tend to make rookie mistakes. This is not unusual or worth special comment. This is expected.
Three. GnR still exists. It's mostly a team of rookies. One of those rookies is Scald Eagle, and it looks like she'll be pretty good. I suggest that George talk to Rocket Mean about ridding RCR of GnR. Just click here and send.
Please, don't make me lay out the whole bit about jammers not winning bouts and how they're not the quarterbacks or even running backs, they're the ball, okay? GnR's failings against the Betties were about their difficulty playing offense and defense simultaneously against a much more experienced team and about their 14-skater roster tiring out after being knocked around by the Betties' 16 skaters.
Now, I do need to regret some errors in judgment I made in some of my track-side comments:
Soulfearic Acid is neither clumsy nor slow. I was mistaken about that.
Domesticated Violence is not fat. Instead of DeeVee
On the other hand, Joyride does make me sad when she scores lots of points against GnR.
Also, I stand by my assertion that Shove Me Tender Shove Me Tender needs more pants. Photo by Lisa Burke. www.flickr.com/photos/7436499@N02/sets/72157625823446561/with/5405219497/
Let me say one final thing about GnR here. I don't miss the winning very much at all really. Which may be because it was always pretty intermittent.
What I miss most is the gay.
GnR, please bring more gay. Thank you.
\m/ \m/
/snark
Um. Can you imagine if Scald had remained on the Betties instead of moving to the GnR for that bout?
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'
Based on what I saw on the videocast, count me in the camp of being very impressed by Scald Eagle's athleticism. If she has the ambition, she's got the upside to skate for WOJ with more skill refinement and experience.
ReplyDelete-CynicalGuy
Best. Post. Evar.
ReplyDeleteAnd since the whole swamp-of-George thing has been so lovingly dealt with above, let me go straight to Scald Eagle.
I'd never really heard anything concrete, so my first impressions were untainted by pre-conceptions.
Raw athleticism. Fearlessness. Speed. Power. Signature eagle-wing move!!! (watch out Colbert)
Most vividly, though, a TRAIL OF FREAKING WRECKAGE as she plowed through the pack.
My sooper-scientific analysis?
WOW.
And even better, there were moments when GnR coalesced into a team. There's a ways to go, obviously - but the potential is THERE.
VERY exciting.
I had a blast at the bout, and can't wait for the next one.
\m/ \m/
PS: I high-fived Sassy-the-anthem-singer after the bout - should've known she was Awnry's kid by the way my hand keeps aching. :)
PPS: Looking forward to the Doctor's recommendations for 'bringing the gay'. Endorsed!
I'd just like to chime in with two comments:
ReplyDelete1) I've been watching Scald since she joined Fresh Meat and progressed to GNR. There is NO doubt about it, she has incredible talent! She's a natural to this game, and more than anything else, she has FUN when she's doing her thing! This will probably be a transition season for the team, but I suspect that after this year of gelling as a team, they are seriously going to be a force to be reckoned with!
2) As the husband of one of the new GNR recruits, may I just say that I DON'T want to see more gay on the team! I have no interest in being the ex-husband of one of the newest members of the best team in North and South America!
-Mr. Sixpack-
"George, on the other hand, appears to have heard that Scald Eagle is the second coming of Ronnie James Dio and expected her to arrive wielding Excalibur in one hand and an M1911 automatic pistol (with custom grips and inscribed "vindicta mihi") in the other, wrapped in Old Glory, riding an Ancient Red Dragon, leading an army of saber-toothed tigers and zombies, breathing fire, and singing the "Battle Hymn of the Republic. When she failed to breathe fire or sing, George declared her a disappointment. (George, why do you hate America? And dragons?) And if that was the hype, then yes, Scald Eagle failed to live up to it." ---- i just hurt myself and scared my whole office with my bellows of laughter.
ReplyDelete"their 14-skater roster tiring out after being knocked around by the Betties' 16 skaters" -- fucking blow me. they have had lots of chances to draft more skaters and get their roster up to 20. they have not. no more complaints or excuses about low roster numbers, no more begging for special exceptions. roster: fill it up or shut up.
scald: amazing, worth the hype, and will only get better.
sidelines and sierra: heart and soul of gnr. love those girls. they cheered their faces off all night, to the bitter end.
shove: is gonna kick your ass for that, grant.
the email: gonna use it. every damn day.
the GNR: are fucking rad as always. points are dumb.
mr. sixpack: sorry dude. you obviously stumbled into the wrong sport. we are gonna gay this whole place up and there is nothing you can do about it.
the gay: we're bringing it back.
Awesome post. Scald *is* amazing and has already made a lot of progress (anyone could see she was talented from day 1, but you shoulda seen those limbs flyin'...heh).
ReplyDeleteI gotta pick a fight with Scrappy on the roster issue though. I'm not whining - smaller roster = more playing time for me. BUT. Should a team draft whoever is available, just to fill a roster? Or wait when there are promising skaters (or skaters who just seem a better fit) coming up on draft eligibility in the near future? Also, we have 16 on our roster, but two are on medical leave, and we did have one more until she unexpectedly had to pack up and move across the country (miss you, Mora!!). So there :P
As for the gay - if we can't draft more, we'll make more. ;)
No mention of the power of your cowbell-fu? You were rocking that thing!
ReplyDeleteThank You, Thank you, Snark, for so eloquently putting into words all of the thoughts I have had since the George blog. Your blog made me laugh and tear up at the same time.
ReplyDeleteBring on the Gay-N-R!
ReplyDeletedon't worry Mr Sixpack...she's not our type.
If I could only figure out how to post anonymously, I would post a comment here.
ReplyDelete@Anonymous re my cowbell-fu: I can only assume that you weren't sitting anywhere near me. The closer people are to the cowbell, the less they seem to enjoy it. :)
ReplyDeleteAnd if you haven't clicked through to the scan of the 1964 Frederick's of Hollywood catalog, you really should. "Get That 'Marry-A-Millionaire' Look!" It's absolute gold.
GNR is still pretty GAY
ReplyDeleteCan we get some stats please?
Yes:
Full on Gay
I like both
You never know what can happen
Love sees no gender
No:
No thanks, not for me
I need these number (I just want numbers)
Blood
Excuse me, Blood, but did you just ask everyone on GnR to tell you if they're at least maybe just a little bit gay (or more)?
ReplyDeleteBecause you "just want numbers"? :D
Don't you already have a girlfriend?
And aren't there better websites to go to for that sort of thing? :P
The only stat I received yesterday was from Snark himself. GNR is full on GAY!
ReplyDeleteBlood
Blood, this is such a sad attempt to gay it up.
ReplyDeleteMaybe more leotards? Just for the gay effect? That might be a better use of your time-- more leotards. And more cowbell.