Countdown to Opening Night

Hooooold onto your butts, rockers! The Season 7 Opener at Memorial Coliseum is less than two weeks away! In a mere 12 days your favorite animal print-clad skaters will be taking the track to battle last season's #3 team, the Heartless Heathers. The gang is back in black, and it's gonna be mental. Can you feel it?!

The Guns N Rollers are arguably a completely different team than we saw last season. This is only partly due to the recent retirements/drafts of personnel. The big difference is in skill level and, more importantly, determination. They want to win. They can taste it. In fact, GNR is going into the opener with blood already on their lips. Did you know that every Wednesday night the home teams gather in the hangar to scrimmage against each other? With scorekeepers and refs and everything. Furthermore, did you know that GNR has beaten the High Rollers and the Break Neck Betties at these scrimmages? I'll say it again, cuz I love saying it. The Guns N Rollers beat the High Rollers and the Betties in scrimmage. The High Rollers. And the Betties. Beaten by GNR. Rock. On.

Speaking of new personnel, GNR has made some very wise draft selections in the off-season. If you caught the Rookie Bout last month you saw Va Va BOOM tear it up (she sure doesn't skate like she's new on the tour bus!). And if you've ever seen a Rosebuds bout or even heard of Portland's Junior Roller Derby League, chances are you've heard of Braidy Punch. As in the toughest, awesomest (yeah I know it's not a word, ok?), most hard-core skater ever to age out of the Rosebuds and join the ranks of adult derby. This girl is wicked fast and has already been kicking ass on the track for years. In the most recent draft GNR picked up FranknHurter (previously of the Bay Area Derby Girls) and Scouts OnHer. I haven't had a chance to see either of these ladies skate yet (unless I saw Frank in a B.A.D. bout and don't remember, which is likely). But hell, GNR has been right on the money with their draft decisions so far. Rosters for the opener were just announced and haven't made it to this blogger's hot little hands yet, so I can't tell you exactly who will be rocking the track for GNR. But I'll bet my biggest can of Aqua Net and my vintage AC/DC concert t-shirt that Braidy Punch will be skating her first bout of her adult life at the Coliseum very soon.

And while we're on the subject of personnel, let's talk about GNR's opening opponent, the Heartless Heathers. The Heathers suffered a mass exodus during the off-season, taking their roster down to a scant 14 players. They have since drafted six new skaters and lost one to injury (formidable blocker and total sweetheart Chinadoll Assassin is out with a busted tib/fib). We saw new draftees Behexen and Mortar N Pistol skate well in the Rookie Bout, and one of the newest Heathers, Toxic Haste, is a former Rosebud. Bella Constricter is a transfer from somewhere (NOOOO... there can be only one Bella- GNR4Life Bella Massacre!). Moxie Roxem worked her way from Wreckers to Fresh Meat to the Ice Palace, and I don't know a thing about new draftee Headache. Feel free to fill in the blanks. The Heathers still have some pesky solid talent in skaters like Schemestress, French Tickler, and White Flight, who will be a nuisance for GNR. But I have a feeling this will be the season of rebuilding for the Heathers that GNR experienced last year. Nobody likes a blowout but hey, let's be honest, this bodes well for GNR (and their loyal fans who like to see their team win).

So pull out all your best animal-print spandex and tease that hair 'til it touches the sky! Throw up your horns and let loose your best rebel yell! Cut up that t-shirt and start safety-pinning it back together! The Guns N Rollers can't wait to show you what's in store this season. They're gonna rock your f***ing socks off.

The Season 7 Opener is Saturday, January 21 at 5:45pm, at the Memorial Coliseum. Click here for tickets and info. Rock on! \m/ \m/

Draft Results

Ok, I know I'm late to the party on this one. GNR made a couple of brilliant draft selections last week, picking up Scout's OnHer and FrankNHurter. Frank comes to us from the Bay Area Derby Girls, and Scout found her way to the Jungle through the Fresh Meat program. Welcome to the Jungle, ladies! Rock on! \m/ \m/

Welcome [back] to the Jungle, Guns N Rollers fans! It's been a while. As we gear up for the 2012 season (which officially begins January 21) let's take a moment to catch up with our favorite fishnet-wearing, butt-rocking ladies in black. A lot has happened since they ended the 2011 season by imploring us not to stop believing (to Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing'). Remember that magical moment? Yeah, I heard they made people cry. In a good way.

Season 6 Wrap-Up

Here's a quick recap of how last season ended. GNR went into the Season 6 Championships ranked #4, which pitted them against the Heartless Heathers for the #3 spot. And holy crap, you guys, GNR played amazing! Our ladies played smart, played together, and managed to put into practice all the awesome things they've been working on throughout the season (but hadn't been able to use). They didn't just hang in there, they managed to shut down the Heathers for the entire first half. Sadly though, they seemed to use up all their rock'n'roll juju in the first 30 minutes and were unable to put up the fight to beat the Heathers. But let me tell you, that first half was pure magic. Very tricky, GNR, to give us just a little taste of what you're capable of, then make us wait until next season (which is, of course, this season) to see more.

The Off-Season

So here's what usually happens around the Rose City Rollers come summertime: skaters usually take a little time off, team practices are infrequent and much less demanding, basically everyone disappears for the summer until it's time to re-emerge for pre-season training. But apparently GNR couldn't wait to start buckling down and getting serious about winning in their next season. While other teams took advantage of the "optional team practice time", GNR was back in the hangar and on a weekly schedule before you could say "sweet child of mine". They gritted their teeth and dug in with renewed determination.

Pre-Season

On December 3 the most recent seven draftees of the Guns N Rollers joined hard-rocking forces with the rookies from the Break Neck Betties to take on the visiting Southern Oregon Rollergirls from Medford. Ironically, this "rookie bout" featured some of last season's most influential skaters like the lovely Supa Sixpack and the incomparable Untamed Shrew. Roller Eclipse, Tyger Bomb, Squid Vicious, Artemis Foulmouth, and newest draftee Va Va BOOM also took the track. And what a fun game it was! Although Sixpack was a constant in the jammer rotation, everybody got some time wearing the jammer cap. Tyger even put up some serious points amid a sea of cheering and horn-throwing. We were treated to multiple all-GNR line-ups (LOVED IT!), wherein we got to witness more of the smart pack play and strategy that our ladies in fishnets have been working on in their practices. The more I see GNR play together the more I see consistency in their awesomeness. It's not just hit-and-miss anymore. During last season's time of rebuilding I saw brief glimmers of what could be a kick-ass, amazing team. This season, GNR is ready. And it's on like Donkey Kong.

Retirements (GNR 4 Life)

Punchkin

Itzo EZ

Guts N Bolts

Bella Massacre

New Captains

Juvie Hall

Scald Eagle

New Drafts

Braidy Punch

Va Va BOOM

In Other News...

This summer Bella Massacre married PMRD's Demolition Man. It was a gorgeous affair, and we all wore 1920s garb and looked amazing.

Scald Eagle was voted MVP of Western Regionals! She has also been nominated for Derby News Network's Rookie of the Year. Voting runs Dec 19-23. Vote!

GNR is in fundraising mode for their world tour (i.e. Season 7). Show them some love and they'll show you some in return. I'll be talking more about this later. In the meantime, check out GNR's facebook page for more info. In fact, check out their page anyway. It's just cool.

Stay tuned for more news and posts from the Jungle via your humble blogger. Rock on! \m/